I can’t believe I’m admitting this, but my husband and I haven’t left our kids for more than a few nights since they were born. We’ve never taken a real vacation. Yeah, we’ve traveled quite a bit, but always with the kids or I was pregnant or we were with 20 other people and it wasn’t a vacation at all. We were scheduled to go on a business trip, and we decided that a vacation would be more beneficial. What a good decision! There are two kinds of people in this world, those who can go to Disneyland without their kids and enjoy every minute of it, and those who only go to Disneyland for the kids. My husband and I, and my whole family that matter, fall into the category of, “who cares what day or time of year it is…lets just get to Disneyland!” My sis just came back from there, she’s pregnant! She and her husband had a blast without going on one major ride, now that is a Disney freak if ever there was one!

So dh and I are going. I’m leaving my babies for a week. A week!! 6 whole nights. I swore I wouldn’t be one of “those moms” that never leave their kids. But unfortunately I have realized that I am. Sure, its because I love them and as much as I do need a break sometimes, I enjoy their company. But also, I am overprotective, sheltering, and thinking of my own insecurities more than their well being. Because the best thing for them is to NOT have their mommy 24/7/365, and don’t gasp at this please…the best thing for them is for their parents to leave…to RUN out the door…drop them off at Grammy’s house and drive far far away. They’ll grow up knowing that we took time for each other, and then when the kids are gone, off to college, whatever, dh and I won’t just sit there staring at each other because our lives were just wrapped up in the kids. Well…I’m rambling here, but I felt maybe some moms need to think about this. I sure have.

This vacation is going to be awesome for us, for our marriage, for the example we will set for our kids that daddy and mommy come first. I just keep telling myself that I will survive, because I know the kids will be fine! My dad said to me a long time ago, in reference to his grandchildren one time when I had to leave them…”they might cry…but they will not die.” LOL. I have quoted him many times since.

I’ve left Abby & Zach many times, just for a couple nights here and there, but I’ve never left Lily more than one night since she was born. She’s the one I’m holding on to a little tightly this week. I wanted my picture this week to be with her, since she’s the face I will be thinking of the most while I’m gone. I will miss my older two, but honestly, A & Z will be fine…I doubt they will miss us they’ll be having so much fun! But Lils…she’s my baby still and I will wonder about her often.

ps. Nobody better tell my kids that Mommy & Daddy are going to Disneyland without them! That wouldn’t go over well. lol.

I admit, I forgot about last week’s photo. I didn’t have any picture and the last day of the week was ending. So I was forced to take a very fuzzy, weird looking photo of me with the shutter speed so low I would never recommend it. But of course, like always, the photo tells a story. The story was…it was a long day.

Once in awhile he gives me a moment. It’s my challenge to soak it up when it happens.

This photo was 3 weeks ago. That week I woke up and knew what my photo would look like. I wanted a photo that really showed how I felt at that moment. I get into these funks sometimes and I’m sure a lot of mom’s out there know what I’m talking about. Loneliness starts to creep in, even though I have 3 beautiful children, a husband who is crazy about me, wonderful friends, a God who is with me every day, etc, etc. Being a stay at home mom can be very isolating, even though I do quite a bit out of the house. Anyway, that week passed and I am thankful for it. I know weeks like that will come again, I get better at handling them each time they arrive. I don’t need anyone to do anything for me, or to rescue me, its just me…and I have learned to be ok with it. Ok with setting me aside, tending to my babies, making sure they are fed, clothed, happy, learning, feel loved, while I….I….I don’t know about me. Standing there making lunch for my children, longing for His presence, feeling tiny eyes watching me in total wonder, I hold fast to the One who gives me strength…

“You keep him (her!) in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on you,
because he (She!) trusts in you.”
—Isaiah 26:3

I’m getting a lot of cuddles from these three this week, just because Daddy has poison oak (eeek!!!) and so I’m not getting any cuddles from him!!! Yeah, personal moment there, but come on! Give a girl a break! I’m not sure how great I’m handling the whole load, since he literally can’t touch any of us for fear of giving it to us. But I…will…survive. Not sure if he will! He’s super sensitive to it and it’s not a pretty sight. I feel terrible for him, totally helpless. We go on vacation in less than 2 weeks, just he and I. I’m so excited! That poison oak better be gone! lol.

Here they are, my 3 personal loveys. I smother their little faces with kisses so much, Lily loves it, takes it like a champ. Abby comes to ME for kisses and Zach…he always tells me he doesn’t love me before he tells me he does and then I get my kisses. Odd boy. Not sure which one came to bed with me last night, I was half asleep, and then it was Lily for a bit this morning. Sometimes I look forward to the days when I can sleep the whole night through but inside I know it will come soon enough.

ps. Weekly pics for the past few weeks will be posted soon :)

…I put some dress up on her, just to see what she would do. She loved it, thought she was a princess, she didn’t want to take it off. She still had her little hula skirt and bo peep hat on when Jeremy came home. Of course he melted like butter and declared she had to wear it every day. But in my heart the wishing began…that she wouldn’t grow out of her baby stage too quickly. Deliberate movements are happening from her all the time now. She called me “Mom” the other day, probably listening to her siblings way too closely! She follows simple commands and wants to play with certain big girl toys. Part of me wants to cuddle her and say no to all that big girl stuff…another part of me is sighing in relief. She’s almost out of the baby stage. She’ll learn to be more independent, entertain herself, actually color with a crayon instead of eat it. Then maybe I can breathe, or rest or maybe my body won’t feel so bone dry at the end of the day.

I had a lovely Mother’s day. Really, it was perfect. I had a brief conversation with my own mom about the whole concept of having a day just for Moms. My Mom…an absolute great lady who raised me into the woman I am today. She understands that her life is very different from mine. She’s enjoying an empty nest, and she truly deserves it. She’s paid her dues and is done with the infant/child stage while I run all day with 3 kids, all born in a span of 5 years. Mother’s day should be celebrated by every mother, past, present, even future. I think my heart just goes out especially to those moms who still have to wipe noses and rear ends. The ones who’s blog posts take an hour to write because there are snacks to be given, little ones to be put down for naps, phones to be answered, booboos to be kissed.

Lily is very sick today and I’m praying that I don’t have to see my little baby throw up again. This weekend was supposed to be extremely different. I was supposed to be working with my husband, side by side, in the ministry that we have built from the ground up. But nothing happens the way we plan it. That isn’t my place. I’m convinced of it. Because just when I think it is…someone throws up and I’m thrown for a loop. Not many people understand the place that I am in, I wouldn’t ask them to. It’s my silent battle and for the most part, I believe I’m winning it. God is doing a great work in my heart this weekend. He’s showing me what my real job is. What the real priorities are. My priority is showing my daughter that she is the most important thing to me and showing her God’s love through seeing her mama put aside her selfish desires and stay with her.

I just wish we could play dolls or dress up today instead of the ever gross game of catch her before she throws up on her beloved blankie.

Hey all you tired moms…don’t grow weary in well doing…your babies need you. Not just anyone….YOU.

Gotta love the guilty look! She’s tall enough now to swipe things off the table and her sissy’s mega huge new pencil was the coveted object. Maybe it made her feel like a big girl ♥