…are her favorite. Especially green juicy ones with the skin on so she can eat around it with her little tiny crooked teeth and drop the peels all around the house. Yes folks, she is a pampered princess…

ps. I am pretty sure I will be starting a 28 day challenge for the month of February (along with my friend Jeanette, right??) I have gained some major inspiration from other photographers who have photographed one or all of their children for a month straight and blogged each day. I had a blast doing my project 52 and am in the mood to undergo another challenge. If you want to join me in this challenge, leave me a comment or drop me an email so I can follow your blog. Let’s motivate each other and take some pictures! No editing software or professional camera needed!

Exif Data: Nikon d70s, f2.2, Iso 400, 1/160, window light on her face.

He had a tough day today, he showed a side of himself that he rarely shows. My sister got a good view of it today…good thing Auntie loves her nephew unconditionally :) I sure do love that boy and I am every day endeavoring to teach him right from wrong and how to direct his strength and temper for good. After we wiped the tears and had a few good long hugs, he allowed me to take some photos of him and he actually enjoyed it.

Today is a day that I am thankful for, because I welcome teachable moments with my kids. But I am also going to bed tonight so thankful that tomorrow is a new day. I am happy for clean slates, like an empty book waiting for the first page to be written. I know little Z will write a good one :)

“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen.  When they’re finished, I climb out. ” ~Erma Bombeck

I haven’t blogged in a long time. Honestly, I don’t know why. My resolution to blog more has intensely gone down the drain. I have about about 5 entries in my drafts waiting for me, half finished, like little time bombs, waiting to go off. If I post one of them…those emotions, those secret rain drops will go flooding through the internet like a deep ocean. I have a fear of water, of deep bodies of water that I can’t easily swim out of.  Remember that “fear” word I wrote about just two posts down? Yeah..that’s the one. The one that multiple moms contacted me about, expressing their common hearts and minds to me. I’m not the only one, I know that. I feel that part of me is here to suggest that you aren’t the only one either.

A little bit about me: I used to travel - a lot. I’ve been to multiple countries, lived (not just visited but *lived*) in Mexico, my daughter learned to walk in a foreign country and my son learned to crawl in another.  I loved traveling, the adventure, the unknown and all the risks were intoxicating to me. I would have one child in my Ergo carrier and the other holding my hand, and we would play with the children of the country we were in. I used to speak a foreign language, although I would never let on that I could. I underestimated myself and in being away from traveling for so long…I have lost the dear language that I loved.

This past week I got on a plane for the first time in three years. We said goodbye to our children and for a few short days we reveled in the glory of a country that is dear to our hearts. We walked into a room, filled with strangers, proceeded to laugh, cry, worship and share…at the end of the three days we were strangers no longer. To put it lightly, it was refreshing.

In so many ways desires of my heart were met this week. Some history: in the middle of my pregnancy with Zach, I started to suffer from deep physical pain. It came and went and came again. Choosing to have Lily was a big decision for us and then the pain became so severe that it lead us to tearfully deeming Lily our last. First the pain sidelined me, and then the new trials of being a mom of three threw a wrench in my perfect traveling plans. It wasn’t the birth of my tiny princess…it was my Heavenly Dad saying “Pull back Amy…focus on your children, your health and supporting your husband.” I welcomed the new calling, but I still longed for a taste of adventure…of feeling like I was still that young girl who would fall asleep under a mosquito net to the sounds of new friends speaking a language I could not understand. I am still that girl…but now that language I fall asleep to is baby babble, or the sound of my husband cracking jokes that I am to tired to laugh about. I have new adventures…but they are not for me…they are for the benefit of my children.

This week I broke a barrier that I had been fighting for years now. The fake, imaginary wall that was built between the Mommy me and the Adventure me. They are one and the same…it just took me getting out of my comfortable little home to realize it. Oh how I missed my children, my heart ached to hold their little soft bodies and their little faces were wet with kisses when I got through coming home! Walking in my front door I knew where my heart belonged. So often over these past years I have longed to close my eyes and take in a deep breath, trying to imagine the wonderful scents of a country that is not my home. But today I walked in my small house, decorated with balloons and streamers to welcome home Mommy & Daddy…and a tiny princess ran up to me pleading with upraised hands for Mama to swoop her up…and she has never smelled so good.

He has not forgotten the desires of your heart. Grieve no longer the dream that has died its horrific death…our God is in the business of Resurrection.

Dear Zach,

You are a beautiful, precious boy. I am constantly stopped by strangers, asking me if that is your natural hair color. Your porcelain skin and red and brown flecked eyes. Your fingernails grow at the speed of light and you already have some thick blond hair growing on your legs and the back of your tiny neck. Skinny as a rail, you ask me for snack all day long. Eating breakfast at 7:30am…you are ready for lunch by 7:45am. I imagine you to be my tall skinny as a rail 16 year old who we must take out a second mortgage just to keep you full. That coupled with all the tall hungry friends you will bring over will surely cause Mom & Dad to go bankrupt, or just force Mom to live in the kitchen. I will need to teach you how to be a good cook. Yes…you will surely need to know how to prepare meals for yourself when you are grown and moved away, or else you’ll always be at Mom’s house (don’t worry…no matter how old you are I’ll make sure to keep Doritos and Cheezits stocked for you!)

The call of God on your life makes my heart stop and I must remind myself to breathe. It is overwhelming, knowing that if you stay on the right path, seeking His will for your life…I can’t even comprehend it…I don’t even have words to describe it. The power you will possess, you will need to learn to use it correctly. Like the Spiderman character that you constantly imitate, you must use your unique gifts for good and not for evil. I have visions of you sharing the amazing love welcomed in your heart…and thousands of people following. They want what you have.

I worry about you. You are only four years old and your Mama intercedes for your little life. I plead for the good to rise up and have victory. Oh son! Beware of the fort of your heart!!

Those forts that we are always making in the living room, a house within a house. Beware you don’t create a fort within the confines of your heart…only allowing a precious few to come in, a fort that guards the small living space you have created. Guard your heart with all diligence…but tear down the walls that threaten to keep you from the Call of God that would take your life by storm.

Your Mama loves you…and will always cry deep tears of prayer over you…and will always keep a stocked fridge for you.

For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, who was preached among you by me and Silas and Timothy, was not “Yes” and “No,” but in him it has always been “Yes.”
~ 2 Corinthians 1:19

The year of Yes…

I never used to care that they would mix the play dough colors. Snack time used to be a loved event, laboring over what they should eat at 10am and 3pm. Something not too filling, but something that will tied them over until Dinner. Do I let them graze? Do I let them eat a brownie? Do I create a gourmet snack with a side of guilt dished up just for me?

“Speed Baths” were rare and not the norm. They would splash and I would clean up afterwards, not caring the bath water just MUST stay in the confines of the tub. Heaven forbid water would fall on the floor, forcing me to wipe it up, keeping the floor clean in the process!

I used to not be so afraid, afraid of loosing them, afraid of loosing him, afraid of sickness. Grandma died of cancer. I’m tired of being afraid of cancer. I’m tired of being afraid of being afraid. Afraid that they won’t follow the right path, afraid to let them out of my sight. I used to know who was influencing them. But now, are their little minds being protected when I’m not there to shelter them? Am I doing a disservice to them, allowing them to be taught and play with other children, or within my home, their mother as their teacher, should I have chosen that instead?

Apprehension in the place of peace, doubt in the place of belief, suspicion in the place of trust, fret in the place of stillness. Is that me wringing my hands? Is that a shake? Is this just the future that I am required to accept? Become a mom and a wife…say goodbye to rational thinking.

I refuse to accept it.

This is the year of Yes. The year of Now. The year of Truth.
Of speaking truth
Of believing in what is true
Of crushing the lies
Of not repeating the lies
Of real truth revelations
Of hearing the voice of God like never before
Of believing what that voice says…

“Child you are safe. Child you are loved. Child you are forgiven. Child you are worthy. Child you are just plain DOING A GOOD JOB.”

Who is this woman…held back by fear. Fear of man, fear of the unknown, fear of new things. Fear of losing something, fear of failure, or is it a fear of actually being successful.

Thank you Jesus today is a new day. You make all things new.
New days to laugh,
to play
to have tickle fights
to cuddle to sleep
to eat yet another pb&j sandwich, and be satisfied in it knowing their bellies are full and energy is flowing through their veins.
No guilt, no shame.
A day of challenges
A day of finding joy in the challenges and of how to tip toe around the guilt, into full freedom in Christ.
A new day to say Yes.

Yes we may throw blankets on the floor, pop popcorn, eat brownies and watch your Barbie movie.

Yes we may have a picnic in the living room. Let’s pretend the blanket is an island and the carpet is the water. I’ll clean up the ground in carpet jelly later.

Yes you may play outside, let’s get you bundled up and I know you will come back in 5 minutes later because of the cold…but I won’t resent the mud on your shoes.

Yes you can have your nightlight on and have another drink and go potty one last time. Kiss me on the way back to bed.

Yes I will lay with you, talk with you, dream with you. Even though I’ve had 3 little ones at my skirt all day long…you are my love…my best friend…Yes I have time for you.

Yes I will wake early, don my robe and pour coffee. Sit in the darkness and soak in the loving arms of Jesus. Yes I will listen and be still. Yes I will talk to you. Yes I will believe you.

I know the way I am writing is so beyond what I share here. I know it is borderline bearing my soul. I feel that I have friends out there…some I may know of…some I do not. All of which will become my fast friend in due time. I know some women need to bear some souls. To reach out and know there is someone else out there, in the beyond who is stepping along side of you day in and day out. Wearing a tread in the carpet…to the dryer….to the play room…to the fridge…to the changing table…and back again.

Bear your soul with me. This is the year of Yes. The year of Truth. Speak Truth. Now stop reading and go play with your kids…

I am happy to say she had pruney hands after this bath…and the floor was soaked.

Both top teeth gone…she’s so stinking cute. She’s got a little lisp now too. Vacation ended for her and she went back to school. *sigh*. The house was much more loud and fun when she was home!! Almost makes me want to home school again, but I know going to school is what she needs.

I was out to coffee with my Mom and Sister, we got to talking about 2009. I realized that two really good things happened in 2009, we bought a house, and baby E-Diddy was born. I’m not saying absolutely nothing good came of 2009 except for those two things, I’m just saying…along with the majority of people that I’m hearing, that 2010 is going to be awesome. I didn’t make resolutions last year, I usually never do. And when I do, I call them “goals”, but this year, I want make some changes, especially when it comes to photography and using this gift that the Lord has given me.

#1. I want to take more photos. For someone who love photography so much, I don’t pick up my camera very much. It is sad really.

#2. In taking more photos…I want to blog more. A lot more. Blog everything. It is my online journal and one day I will print it and put it in a beautiful book for my kids. I want to post pictures, not for anyone else’s approval, just for my kids’ future.

#3. I want to put myself out there, gain more clients and grow my business. I love love love taking photos for other people. I’m not able to do it nearly enough. But this will take a lot of work and a lot of courage!

#4. More projects…more challenges…I’m thinking a self portrait challenge or a photo a day challenge…who’s up for it with me? I would rather not do it alone! Let’s talk about some ideas!

Well…that is it. At least that’s all I will post for the world to read! The rest goes in my private, non-digital journal!

There were so many photos that I loved this year. So many I never got to post here or share anywhere for that matter. So I’m doing it now. They are all of my kids of course! So here’s a big random share of pictures throughout 2009.

Thank you to all my blog readers, my clients, my family and friends for coming here and supporting me in my photography. May 2010 ROCK!! :)