Day 10/28: She woke up sick. So plans were canceled, Mickey Mouse was turned on and the pacifier that I have ever so carefully weaned her from was put back into her mouth. The day turned out ok, but definitely not how I planned it to be yesterday.
I am so blessed to never have really dealt with a sick child. We get sick or hurt, and even visited the ER a time or two. But never have we really been sick. I don’t believe in karma or being jinxed and I definitely don’t believe in a God that is out to get us when we are happy. But part of me can’t help but wonder when it is all going to end? I hate even writing that. But it is true, and in an effort to be more human on this blog I went ahead and said it. That is the human side of me, the side that is enjoying life so much…that there must be some pain around the corner.
And then I hear my Father whisper in the awesome way that He talks to me, “Amy…you’re crazy.” He playfully chastises me for not believing that He takes care of me and my family. He knows I am just a woman, just a mom…but He wants me to be above freaking out over every little sniffle, bump or lump that I imagine to feel or see.
My Grandma died of lung cancer. Granted she smoked for 30 years (I think?), but she had also quit for 30. My other Grandma just passed away as well. I haven’t mentioned it here yet. I think it is because I felt I already lost her a couple years ago when she forgot who I was, she had Alzheimers. My Dad’s best friend passed away when I was a teenager, and one of my Dad’s mentors went to be with the Lord just today.
How do you deal with the loss of a loved one when you don’t have Christ in your life? It baffles me. I would be sick to my stomach with fear all the time. Holding on so tight in case something might happen to someone that I loved. Yes it scares me. I have a lot to lose. I was watching one of my favorite shows (that will remain nameless yet I be judged!) and they were talking about love and being fearful of losing those they loved. If you’re not afraid, then life really doesn’t have much meaning now does it? During the show Jeremy turned to me and asked me if I was afraid. I answered with a resounding YES. But not gripped. Because when you have Christ in your life. He gives peace that surpasses all understanding.
Precious!!!!
I have the same feeling Amy! My mom died of lung cancer…never smoked a day in her life! I have fear almost everyday of cancer. My former pastor is dying of cancer right now. But, what gives me peace is that God knows every detail! His grace is sufficient!! Thanks for your encouraging words!!
Great post Amy! Did I say that I watch the Bachelor or are you just assuming I do!? hehe. If we are being honest, Drew has band practice in Pacifica on Monday nights so I have anywhere from 5-10 girls over to enjoy brownies lattes and yup the Bachelor! Every Monday night for years! It is too much fun laughing at the show with these girls. Yup, it is my guilty pleasure!! hehe
On a totally other note, I know the fear you are talking about. Even thinking about having another baby, I think, what if they are not healthy? That would change everything, I would be devastated. (And not the kind of devastated Jake told Ally he would feel the other night, ha)
But, then, like you said, I am overwhelmed with peace that my God is the God of this Universe and He loves me and cares for my family, and if we did have a sick baby, we would make it, because we have Him.
Anyways, thanks for sharing Amy.
And Lily, you are just too darn cute, I think you and Carsyn would be great friends! (Paci’s and all)
I’m speechless. Your words just flow with ease girl. I love love love how well you can express yourself through words. Coupled with your photography… simply amazing!
xo
Okay…could she be any cuter??? And as always, your words struck a cord with me….I am going through a book called The Gospel of Ruth with some girlfriends and I was just expressing these same sentiments to them….I have been SO blessed…when is my suffering coming?? God is so good and I am so thankful for His provisions, blessings and faithfulness!